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Aliens, The Other White Meat
Michael Fisher & James Bird
Paperback
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BOOK SYNOPSIS
Here’s a recipe for cosmic comedy:

• Heat one doomed world with a life-searing double sun
• Remove a spaceship full of refugees
• Add a shipwreck on a small blue planet
• Stir in a family of megalomaniacal chicken farmers trying to harness the alien secret of immortality
• Blend a crazed Islamic cleric and a crooked Pope with an ambitious self-centered papal envoy and an ex-KGB hit-man
• Whip with a drunken prophet, who draws pilgrims by his visions of a feathered Madonna, seen in an oil stain
• Beat in a Christian sniper
• Sprinkle in a pinch of romance

And watch the sparks fly at the Holy Toll Shrine.

BOOK EXCERPTS
Countless years ago, at the edge of the universe where light begins, three gods huddled about an inter-dimensional portal trying to observe a distant world they had created long before. Over the eons, they had amused themselves by tinkering with the fate of the planet Blithos and its inhabitants.

“What’s wrong with this thing?” complained BaBu, his aged eyes squinting as he peered into the portal. “I can’t make out a thing.”

GaHoot rapped at the portal’s casing with the claws of his right hand. “This thing was working the last time I used it. Maybe we just need more light.”

KulKan grinned. “Suppose we smash a comet into the giant gas planet next to Blithos?”

BaBu understood her immediately. “If the comet’s large enough, we will spawn a dwarf star.”

“Let’s do it!” GaHoot agreed with excitement.

The comet’s collision brought the core of the gas giant to critical mass, inducing nuclear fusion and creating a dull red star, whose additional light did indeed improve the view in the portal. The three gods watched in horror as the beloved planet of their creation began to dry and wither in the radiance of its two suns.

As BaBu and KulKan consulted on how best to help the Blithians, GaHoot began to cry inconsolably. With each convulsive sob, he became fainter and fainter until all that remained of him were his tears. As these great drops of GaHoot’s passion fell, they began to transmute the dark matter that surrounded him into chunks of green mineral that flew off in all directions and contained the salvation of the Blithians.

****
Thresher Pub
Where time is irrelevant

What’s a Nice Bird Like You Doing In a Place Like This?

The chicken walked into the bar, and the door swung shut behind it. The place was empty, save for the bartender methodically polishing glasses behind the bar. The chicken looked about the circular room, which was richly paneled with cypress wood. Behind the smiling bartender, columns carved with Mayan hieroglyphics supported abundantly laden liquor shelves. Twenty-five doors entered upon the room at all angles, and the trim around each of them was engraved in the same Mesoamerican motif.

The chicken proceeded with caution, for it had had a rough day and the last thing it wanted to do was to go from the frying pan into the fire. Yet, here it stood on the brink of a precarious and strange frontier, needing desperately to either advance or retreat. Deciding it preferred the unknown devil ahead to the devil it knew to be behind, the chicken riffled its feathers and strutted across the floor toward the bar.

It walked in an unusual manner for a chicken—like a miniature person in a chicken costume. It crossed the floor to the bar and climbed up on a stool. “Could you please tell me where I am?”

The bartender paused in his polishing. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Wilbur Malloy was a portly man. He was dressed in a starched white shirt and black arm garters, with a black bow tie, black trousers and suspenders, and a long, linen apron. His thick hair was mostly white and parted in the middle, yet still showed some signs of brown, as did his handlebar mustache.

“Try me. After what I’ve been through, I’d believe anything,” the chicken replied.

“I’d venture to guess that you stumbled onto this place by accident,” the bartender opined as if accustomed to speaking with animals every day.

“You can take that literally.” The chicken cocked its head to one side and gazed at the barkeep through the jars of exotic delicacies that sat at intervals along the bar.

“Well to start with, this place is a private club...for a very select few travelers who we specialize in servicing.” The bartender noticed the chicken’s unusual features.

BOOK REVIEWS
Cosmic comedy in lower Delaware. Rollicking, ribald, ridiculous. Vonnegut, Heller, and Voltaire rolled into one. It's warming to read a tale where

madness and morality triumph over stupidity and greed.

Michael Cleary -- The Real Clew


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Aliens, The Other White Meat by E. Michael Fisher and James C. Bird (2005 Whiskey Creek Press, ISBN 1593743343). From the time I opened the first chapter, I was laughing out loud. The authors are two very funny and smart guys—tekkies cursed with a major creative streak that leaves their slide rules and pocket protectors no peace—who have invented this universe of camp and pun that will delight you. If you have any kind of funny bone, you'll enjoy this hefty little read. Reading about Babu and the planet Blithos, one senses a bit of L. Ron Hubbard without the smug sincerity. Fans of Douglas Adams, Kurt Vonnegut, and other absurdians should take a look at the wreakings of Fisher and Bird. Is there any significance in the fact that they are named after two prominent animalia types? This is the sort of book that keeps you thinking, and laughing, and guessing. If anything, this novel shines the flickering yellow flashlight of parody upon the dark undergarments of society and of all that you probably hold holy, and reveals the true sweat-stained lycra-mesh foundations.

John Cullen
Far Sector – SFFH
A Professional Web-Only Magazine of Speculative and Dark Fiction


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So how to summarize Aliens, The Other White Meat? It's an interesting read, an ambitious book that is sometimes funny, always quirky, and exhibits some of the most unique, richly-detailed situations I've ever scraped my eyesight across. I'm left wondering where the hell these guys came up with the idea.

Fisher and Bird are talented writers, and I'm interested to read more from them.

Paul Hughes, editor, silverthought.com


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So how to summarize Aliens, The Other White Meat? It's an interesting read, an ambitious book that is sometimes funny, always quirky, and exhibits some of the most unique, richly-detailed situations I've ever scraped my eyesight across. I'm left wondering where the hell these guys came up with the idea.

Fisher and Bird are talented writers, and I'm interested to read more from them.

Paul Hughes, editor, silverthought.com


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The cover gave nothing away of the quirky plot contained within the pages, but the recipe for cosmic comedy” listed on the back cover said it all. This book was a lot like nothing that I had ever read before…it’s a lot to follow, but the humor in this story is threaded throughout and the sub-plots were quite enjoyable. I particularly liked the twist at the end…I’m not sure if it sets things right, but it was fun getting there. An entertaining tale and an intriguing plot to say the least. It’s sure to raise a brow or two.

Shawn P. Madison - THE ETERNAL NIGHT


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Aliens, The Other White Meat is entertaining if you can keep up with the time changes and odd developments. E. Michael Fisher and James Clifford Bird have succeeded in reaching far beyond the sky, morals and religious boundaries in this romp through time and space.

MargeAnna Conrad – Novelspot


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This novel is science fiction humor á la Douglas Adams…definitely slapstick comedy. I think that fans of science fiction humor will love it!
Jean – Fallen Angel Reviews


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FOR RELATED BOOKS
Fiction Books :: Science Fiction Books :: General Books
Fiction Books :: Humorous Books

MORE BOOK INFO
ISBN: 1593743343
ISBN(13-digit): 9781593743345
Copyright: 2008
Book Publisher: Whiskey Creek Press
Binding: Perfect
No. of Pages: 344
Paper Weight (lb): 14.4



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